The Icing on the Cupcake
by spiffytgm
Summary: A series of one shots based on and around the story Undercover Cupcake. JoMo gets slapped around, but I'm beginning to think he likes it like that... Babe in the background. Rated M for language and adult content. You'll see...
1. Chapter 1

**Wen I finished Undercover Cupcake, there were still some pieces that I thought were missing, or could at least be explained a little more. These didn't necessarily fit into the story line, though. I decided to do a series of one shots because some of them were really funny... At least to me. Some of them are a little gross, but that's the way my mind works.**

**The first two chapters were previously published under "A Confident Cupcake" and "Here's to you, Lucylu". I didn't change anything, I just thought they should all live together. I won't be offended (much) if you don't read them. :-)**

**Let me know what you think, or if there's something you'd like to see in here...**

**It's good to be home! **

**XOXO**

**Sheila**

**PS - All the characters you recognize belong to JE... The mistakes, as usual, are mine.**


	2. sometimes i get distracted

**If you're following along with the story Undercover Cupcake, you know that Joe got to do a distraction that had some unexpected consequences. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to know what the flip side of that operation was. Here's the distraction from the skip himself, with a little Merry Men love thrown in at the end for good measure!**

**All characters, except for Jim, belong to JE. All mistakes are mine.**

JIM POV

I've been on the run for a year now. Federal charges of gun running are a bitch. If I could just get to the witness, my problems would be solved. I finally made it back to New Jersey last week. There is no place in the world like Point Pleasant in the summer. I love to walk on the boardwalk, inhaling the scents of salt water and suntan lotion. The sights are worth it, too. All those hard bodies soaking up the sun just does it for me.

I walked into my favorite club later that evening, looking for the perfect man. He has to be Italian. I would prefer it if he worked out. I like my men strong. Good clothes and terrific hair would be nice too, but I'd be willing to settle for someone in a suit. I want a man that knows how to take care of himself and appreciates the finer things in life. I spot a candidate sitting at a corner table. Handsome, definitely Italian, but he looks angry and he obviously doesn't work out. I keep scanning the room.

I see him sitting at the bar. He is the one. Sculpted features, hard muscles, and well styled hair. He looks like everything I could hope for. He scans the crowd with a disinterested gaze. I know he is the one for me.

I make my way to the bar, and miraculously, the seat next to him is empty. I sit next to him and order a drink. The bartender is also very good looking, but not Italian. Pity.

The man sitting next to me looks me over and smiles slightly. He appears almost nervous. I break the ice. "First time?"

He smirks. He has a great mouth. "Does it show?" I could sit and listen to him talk for hours. He doesn't have a deep voice, but it sounds wonderful.

I laughed and held out my hand. "A little. Name's Jim."

He shook my hand. I could feel electric shivers travel up my arm and settle into my spine. He introduces himself as Tony. Anthony. What a delightful name. Tonight is certainly getting better by the minute. I ask him the million dollar question. "So what brings you here, Tony?"

He took a sip of his drink and said, "Putting myself back on the market. I have to start somewhere."

This is wonderful news. What are the odds that I would be back in town just in time to meet the man of my dreams who is ready for a new relationship? He won't be available for long. He's too good looking for that.

I put on my best sympathetic look. "You want to talk about it?" He finished his drink and I signaled the bartender for a fresh round.

"Not much to tell. We knew each other our whole lives. We finally got together when I was eighteen. I thought it was going to last forever. Then a good looking Cuban shows up in a Porsche, and I'm yesterday's news."

I put my hand on his thigh and leaned in. He kept his stare firmly on his glass, but he didn't reject my advance. "From where I'm sitting, it looks like he's the one that's missing out on a good thing."

"But I'm the one that's alone." We each took a minute to let that sink in.

I finished my drink. "Why don't we go someplace quiet where we can talk? Get to know each other a little better?"

He finished his drink as well. "Sounds like a good idea to me."

I signaled to the bartender for my check. I was anxious to get out of here. Maybe Tony and I will take a walk along the beach. It's quiet at this time of night. Once we paid our bills, we walked towards the door. I was slightly behind Tony with my hand on his back. From here I can see that he has a great ass. He definitely works out.

As we get closer to the door, the man I noticed earlier is glaring at us. I wonder if he was the ex Tony had spoken of, but immediately dismiss the idea. Tony is far too refined for him. Besides, the ex left Tony.

We step outside. The night air still carries the scent of the ocean. Before I can direct Tony towards the boardwalk, two mountainous men flank me on either side. It appears my entry back into New Jersey did not go unnoticed. They force me to the ground as Tony turns around. I regret the look of shock in his warm chocolate eyes. Tony says, "What the hell?"

I look at him, already feeling the loss and regret. "Sorry, Tony. I'll try to make this up to you."

The ogre with the flaming skull tattoo says, "Yeah, sorry _Tony_. Looks like your boy toy is going to be busy for a while." They pick me up and load me into a waiting SUV, connecting my shackles to a bolt in the floor. As we drive away into the night, I look back to see Tony standing in the parking lot. Hopefully he won't be taken by the time I get out. I will look for him.

BONUS

TANK POV

I can't believe that idiot Morelli. Didn't Ranger tell him that we were monitoring his conversation? I know he knew about the wire. I thought Cal was going to bust a gut laughing when Joe used Steph and Ranger as his cover story. From the sounds coming over my earpiece, I'm sure Cal wasn't the only one entertained by Joe. It's hard to maintain your cover when you can't stop laughing.

Stephanie's voice broke in over the laughter. "Did you hear that? Ranger stole Joe's boyfriend? At least he thinks Ranger's good looking, maybe I should be worried that he'll try to take Ranger away from me." I don't think she meant to say that out loud. That only made it funnier, and brought on a fresh round of laughter from the guys. I don't know what we're going to do for entertainment once our undercover cupcake leaves.


	3. a confident cupcake

**When I did the obstacle course scene in Undercover Cupcake, I realized that it was a pivotal moment for Joe. He was getting his first look at the man behind the 'thug'. How would he reconcile the man he thought Ranger was with the man he really is? Anyway, it started me thinking about things from Joe's point of view. This is what happens when I let my mind wander…**

**Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews, they mean the world to me.**

**Any characters you recognize belong to JE. The mistakes are all mine.**

I walked into the Rangeman infirmary at exactly eight o'clock on Friday morning. Today is the day that I take the Physical fitness test. I bet Ranger doesn't have to do this crap. They probably made the whole thing up just for me, the fuckers.

Bobby was waiting for me with his stupid clipboard. We went into one of the exam rooms and he told me to strip. Is he kidding me? There is no way he needs to see the boys. Then he told me that it was a part of that stupid employment contract that I signed. I could either strip and get it over with, or leave. I bet they'd like it if I just left. They won't get me that easily, not when I'm this close to getting inside information.

I stripped and went through the exam. Instead of thinking about what Bobby was doing down there, I imagined leading a certain Cuban bastard out the door and into a police cruiser, handcuffed and humiliated. I swear that the wood I had going on had nothing to do with the rectal exam. It was all about taking Ranger down, honest.

When Bobby was done, I got dressed in my TPD sweats as fast as possible. He took a blood sample, then told me to give him a urine sample and send Cal in. I guess I'm not the only dumbass doing this today. I hope Cal enjoys his rectal exam.

When I walked out to let Cal know it was his turn for a share of the fun, I was surprised to see him wearing Army fatigues instead of Rangeman black. Even more surprising, though, was the tan Ranger beret that he was holding in his hand. I shook off thoughts of his military career and waved him into the back. "Enjoy your exam."

He smirked at me. "No problem, cupcake."

When Bobby was finished with Cal's exam, we drove out to Fort Dix. There were a bunch of vehicles here, and the stands were filled with soldiers. Great, an audience. I wasn't worried, I know I have this in the bag. I spotted Ranger and Tank talking to someone. Both of them were also wearing ACU's. They were also both wearing green berets. Holy fuck. I felt my jaw hit the ground. Those two were Green Berets? I hate to admit that I was feeling a little awestruck. I may have been in the Navy, but I know how much hard work and training goes into earning that cover. It also maybe explains why the bastard disappears for months at a time sometimes. The CIA recruits Green Berets for its Special Operations Group, since they are already highly trained in counterterrorism and clandestine missions.

I shook off my thoughts when Bobby started to explain what was going on. "The General," he nodded at the man talking to Tank and Ranger, "is going to give a speech to the soldiers, then Ram s going to do his thing." I idly wondered what 'thing' Ram was going to do. I don't happen to have any more fiancées for him to take. Bobby continued. "After that, we'll start the test. You guys ready?"

Cal said, "Hua" and I nodded, even if I was starting to not be so sure after all. The General walked around to the front of the stands and started talking. I wasn't really listening. I did hear words like Ranger School, Delta Force, and Sniper. Was one of these thugs a sniper? Was I wrong about them? The General stopped talking and there was the crack of a rifle followed by an explosion. After a pause, the General started talking again. Bobby nodded at us and said, "It's time." Does that mean that the gun shot and explosion were Ram's thing? Is he the sniper? Jesus, I can't quite seem to wrap my head around this information.

I heard the General say push-ups, and Cal gave me a nudge. "Come on, cupcake, let's get this show on the road."

The four of us walked out to the confidence course. There were four mats there. We each stood in front of a mat while the General told the soldiers about the push-up requirement. I was about to drop to the ground, when I noticed the women in the front row of the stands. Crap. Not only is Stephanie here to watch, but my ex-fiancée Gayle, my sister, and my mother are with her. Why me? I don't see Ranger's mother in the stands talking to his ex-wife. She probably only came to watch Cal anyway. You'd think he walks on water with the way MY mom treats him.

When Bobby tells us to start, I do my push-ups. I already know the pace I have to keep to get the job done. I don't want to waste energy here that I'll need later. When Bobby tells us to stop, the men that were counting announce the totals. Two hundred and six push-ups? You've got to be kidding me.

We get into position for sit-ups while the General talks some more. Once again Bobby tells us when to stop and start. Once again we get the totals. One hundred and seventeen Sit-ups? I don't think I can even move that fast. They must have counted wrong.

Next come the chin-ups. Before we walk to the bar, the General directs our attention to the Victory Tower. Ram is standing there at attention. Well, there's the third Green Beret. I realize that he's standing less than five feet from my position and I never saw him until the General directed our attention to him. That's just frigging spooky. I was looking in that direction while I was doing sit-ups. He picked up the gear behind him, and I got a look at his rifle. It's a Barrett M82A1, and it looks deadly. I have no doubt that the ego shot he showed me really was a mile away. I don't ever want to be in his crosshairs. Ram walks away with a smirk and we go to do our chin-ups.

After the chin-ups, we have to do the five mile run. I figure that if I can keep Ranger in sight, I'll finish the run with no problem. The first lap I managed to keep him in sight, but he didn't slow down a single step. By the end of the second lap, I could just barely keep Tank in sight, and I was starting to breathe heavily. Ranger lapped me on the third lap, and Cal was only a few minutes behind him. Neither of them were even breathing heavily. I was starting to feel the burn. As I was finishing my fourth lap, Ranger finished his run. If we had to go any further, he would have lapped me a second time. By the time I got to the finish line, my legs felt like Jello and my lungs were on fire. It was a miracle that I managed to stay upright, but my mom was sitting there, and I wanted her to see that I was as good as her precious Cal. I grabbed a water and sucked half of it down. As soon as it hit my stomach, I knew it was coming back up. I barely managed to hobble behind the cars before I lost it.

Once I was finished Horking up the contents of my stomach, I stood to find Bobby next to me with another bottle of water, an ice pack, and a towel. He poured the contents of my half-finished bottle of water on my head and handed me the towel. When I bent over to dry my head, he put the ice pack on my neck, covering my jugular. "It'll help you cool down." He handed me the second bottle of water. I sucked it down and managed to hold it there. "You don't have to finish," he told me. "It's not a sign of weakness. We can try again in a month."

I thought for a second about taking him up on that, but it would show a weakness, and we both knew it. I have to finish the course if it kills me, and I'm beginning to think that it just might. "Nah, I'm good. I just needed to catch my breath." Bobby frowned and shook his head, but didn't say anything else.

We walked back out to begin the obstacle course. Bobby told us that we would be doing the course in the order that we finished the run. I knew that he was giving me time to rest, and I appreciated it. The down side was that this meant the mighty Manoso would go first. He stepped up to the beginning of the course and Bobby sent him off. Holy freaking hell. He ran through that course like he was at the playground during recess. I didn't think it would be humanly possible to finish the course as fast as he did it. Not only did he do the course in under half the required time, but he did it after running five miles and doing a gazillion push-ups and sit-ups. I'll be lucky if I finish the course. There's no way that he's human.

When he finished, the General started talking about Ranger's military career. Apparently, not only is he Superman on the obstacle course, but he personally saved the General's life, and the country owes him a debt of gratitude. Is there anything he hasn't done? You'd think the man pees rainbows and farts unicorns. The General asked him if he wanted to say anything. When Ranger walked up to the podium, I thought I was going to lose my lunch again. Now I have to listen to him talk about how wonderful he is. All he did though, was make a crack about Tank putting on weight and having to carry him. Tank grabbed his crotch and told Ranger to "carry this." The audience loved it. Figures.

Cal was next up, and finished the course with no problems. When Tank started the course, I saw Cal sitting between Cathy and my mom. It really chapped my ass to see both my mother and my sister fawning over him. Doesn't he have his own family? He has to take mine? He's a freak. He's got a flaming skull tattooed on his forehead, for god's sake. I stopped watching them and focused on Tank. He finished the course with ease, just like the rest of them. He saluted the General and walked over to where the Rangemen were sitting. Hal handed him some cash. I wonder what they were betting on this time.

It was finally my chance to run the course. This was make or break time. Halfway through the course, I was wishing for death. At least that way I wouldn't have to finish this torture. All of my muscles were screaming, and I thought my arms were going to fall off. I don't even know how I made it to the last obstacle. When my hand slipped, I thought about just giving up right there, five feet from the end. Then I thought about the women sitting there watching me. Mom and Cathy with Cal, Stephanie with Ranger, and Gayle with Ram. Thinking about everything they took from me gave me just enough rage to finish those last five feet. I can do this, damn it.

I got to the last rope. Holy Crap, I made it. I wanted to swing from the rope and shout, "You can't take this from me, you bastards." Of course, that would require strength and breath that I didn't have. I was so distracted by my thoughts that I didn't notice the depression in the ground. Of course I landed on it and twisted my ankle.

I laid flat on my back, awash in pain and gasping for breath. I looked up at the sky and cursed. That's when I noticed the rainbow stretched across the sky. Someone up there has a vicious sense of humor.


	4. as if a sprained ankle weren't enough

**This one I owe to Maggie, she planted the seed. the numbers came from a friend of mine who suffered from a mild heart attack recently. He's fine now, but it was a scary wake up call considering he's only 50. Love you, Kevin!**

**Standard disclaimer goes here... You know what it is...**

I got to Rangeman on time the Monday after my physical. My ankle hurt like a bitch, but I felt as though I had to prove that it didn't stop me. There was a note on my computer monitor telling me to see Bobby at my earliest convenience. I stopped at Binkie's desk to let him know where I was going, then went back downstairs to the third floor medical office.

I walked in and sat in the chair next to Bobby's desk. "Let me guess. You wanted to personally congratulate me on my stellar performance Saturday."

Bobby gave me an eye roll that would have done Stephanie proud. "You passed. Let's just leave it there."

I hopped up on the table and Bobby took a look at my ankle. For a brief and shining moment, I hoped he might tell me to stay off of it for a week, but I know I'm not that lucky. "It's healing nicely. I'll give you light duty for the week, but I want to see you in the gym keeping it moving." Damn. I started to put my boot back on as Bobby sat at his desk. "I actually asked you to come in for a different reason. I got the results in from your blood tests."

"That fast?"

He gave me a look with one eyebrow raised. He didn't actually have to say anything. This was Rangeman, what else did I expect? He picked up the piece of paper he had been looking at when I came in. "I'm very concerned with what I'm seeing."

Crap. If I have another STD, Terri's going to put a hit out on me. "What's wrong?"

"The average value for Cholesterol is about 150. Yours is 2700."

I was actually relieved. This was nothing I was going to get shot over. "I always knew I was above average."

Bobby frowned. "Joe, this isn't a joke. You have the Cholesterol level of a 50 year old couch potato that eats pork rinds all day."

Okay, that didn't sound good. "What can I do to lower it?"

Bobby smiled. "You can start by eliminating certain foods from your diet."

I had a bad feeling about this. "What kinds of foods?"

He ticked off on his fingers everything that my diet was based on. "Fried food, Pizza, things that are high in saturated fats like butter and bacon, fast food, cheese, cake, and for your own well being, you're going to have to lay off the meatball subs from Pino's."

I felt like my entire universe just fell apart. I got off the table and slumped into the chair next to Bobby's desk. "What about mama's manicotti?"

He shook his head. "You can eat small portions provided your mother uses low fat cheese and a whole grain pasta." Doesn't he realize that my mother is Italian? He handed me a flyer with High Cholesterol do's and don'ts. I took it and stood to leave. He stopped me before I could turn and go. "You need to take this seriously. You're about a lasagna away from a full blown heart attack. You need to see your doctor. He will probably prescribe something to lower it, but you need to change your diet. Ella will give you recipes for heart healthy meals if you ask her."

I left Bobby's domain and trudged to the elevator. I could see the conversation with my mom play out in my head. "Hey, mom. Bobby said your cooking is killing me, but it's ok. Do you remember the woman from the Laundromat? She gave me some recipes for you. Apparently her food not only tastes great, but it's good for you, too."

Yeah, that would go over like a lead balloon. I can already hear my mother yelling at me. "I'm killing you? If you could die from a broken heart, I'd already be dead. Would that woman clean your house and do your laundry if I was gone?" I wondered if she would send me to my room.

The day passed in a blurred mix of depression and computer searches for Rodriguez. I stopped at the grocery store on my way home and bought some food from the flyer Bobby gave me. The cashier gave me a funny look as she rang me up. I guess she's not used to seeing me and vegetables in the same checkout line. This sucks.


	5. Spreading the love

**For years I've wished everyone I know a Happy VD on this day of days instead of saying "Happy Valentine's Day". Just my sense of humor, I suppose... Anyway, just thinking about it brought to mind my least favorite couple, so I thought I'd spread the love! (I'm a giver like that) This one is down and dirty, but I love the way it ends.**

**So, Happy VD, y'all... Don't forget to spread the love! (hahahaha)**

**One more thing... Still not mine, JE gets all the love (lucky B...) No profit, but a whole lot of fun!**

I walked in the side door of my house and threw my keys on the kitchen counter. Today had been my first day back with the Trenton Police Department, and I was worn out. When I got there in the morning, the guys had covered my desk with cupcakes. I really didn't need the reminder that everyone I knew was going to be calling me that, thanks to Rangeman. I would never say anything, but it bothered me that no one said, "We knew you didn't do it," even though they all knew now that I was thrown out on bogus destruction of evidence charges so that I could go undercover. I caught a drive by gang shooting this afternoon. The shooters were already locked up, but the mountain of paperwork that came with the case was enough to give me indigestion. I guess crime didn't take a break simply because I wasn't there to stop it. Some things never change.

I walked into the living room to find my dog, Bob, laying on the floor giving me sad eyes. I don't even have to guess what's wrong with him, since half of a chewed up sock is hanging out of his mouth. I must have forgotten to close my bedroom door again this morning. I took him outside and watched while he horked up the rest of the sock as well as a pair of tighty whiteys. Once he had it out of his system, he was back to bouncing around me, probably looking for food.

After I fed Bob, I grabbed a beer and called in an order for pizza before I turned on the TV. Now that I was back to work, my mother probably wouldn't be over every night to feed me. I was just starting to get into the game when there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find my pizza being held by Robin Russell. I leaned against the door frame and said, "What brings you here?"

She bit her lower lip and let her eyes wander over me. "I thought you might appreciate a personal welcome back."

I thought about taking the pizza and closing the door in her face. While I had been "fired", she acted surprised that I would call her for a visit, but now that I'm back, she doesn't hesitate to rush right over? I suppose I could get myself worked up and tell her to leave, but the boys are tired of flying solo. I stepped aside and let her in.

By the time the pizza was eaten, the game was in halftime and I had Robin laid out on my couch. Both of our shirts were gone and her pants were unbuttoned. One of the best things about Robin is the fact that she likes it rough. She would probably have my teeth marks on her breast for some time to come. The game no longer held any interest for me. I could have taken her right there on my couch, but I wanted some room to work. I stood and held out a hand to her. "Why don't we take this upstairs?"

Once we were in the bedroom, I wasted no time getting us out of the rest of our clothes. The boys were ready for action, and she was a willing participant. We kissed hot and heavy as I led her towards the bed. She sat on the edge and took my cock in her mouth until I was pressed against the back of her throat. I fucked her mouth while she moaned around me. Robin used an amazing combination of hands, teeth and tongue until I thought I would lose it. I pulled out of her mouth and pushed her down onto the mattress.

She laid back and I knelt on the carpet. I pressed her legs wider, baring her to me. I opened her more fully to see her already wet for me. I used long, slow licks to taste her, but she grabbed my hair and pressed her pussy to my face. "Eat me, Joe. I need you to make me cum." Robin is not exactly shy about telling me what she wants, but I was more than willing to give it to her. I sucked her clit into my mouth as I rammed two fingers into her. By the way her hips were bucking, I could tell she was enjoying it. When I added a third finger and grazed her clit with my teeth, her hips shot off the bed and she exploded into her first orgasm.

Once she had calmed, I slid her further up the bed and climbed in with her. I kissed and bit my way up her stomach until I was at eye level with her breasts. I pulled at one taut nipple with my teeth while I pinched the other one with my fingers. She moaned her approval. I got lost in her breasts for a while, alternately licking, sucking, and biting each one until she was begging me to fuck her. I slammed myself home while she yelled, "Yes! Fuck me hard, Joe!" When I was close to coming, I rolled us over so that she was on top, changing the angle while she rode me hard. She grabbed the headboard behind me and screamed out her next orgasm while I rubbed her clit and sucked on her nipples.

Once she got her breath back, she climbed off and got on her hands and knees next to me. I got behind her and once again slammed myself home. I grabbed a handful of hair to keep her in place, and reached her breast with my other hand, squeezing while she yelled her approval. She was screaming with her third orgasm and I was about to follow her when she said, "Take my ass, Joe. I want to feel your balls slapping my pussy as you pound me." I pulled out to follow her instructions before it was too late.

Just as I was about to enter the tight ring of muscle, I was assaulted with the memory of my kidnapping. I remembered waking up naked in a strange man's bed. I remembered when he joined me in the shower and handcuffed me to the rod. He was naked and kissing me, rubbing his cock against my own. One of his hands slid along the muscles of my back as his other hand traveled lower, grabbing my ass and sliding his fingers towards my own hole. I remembered the confusion I felt. Part of me wanted nothing more than to knock him out and escape from his house. Another tiny part of me wanted to know what it would feel like to let him take what he wanted. I had been saved from that decision by the blaring of an alarm, signaling that someone had entered the property. He escaped without a backwards glance, leaving me handcuffed in the shower with a raging hard on. My last memory was of Stephanie and Ranger busting down the bathroom door and laughing when they saw my predicament.

All of these memories came to me within seconds of looking at Robin's ass. I shuddered and looked further down at my own dick.

Houston, we have a problem.


End file.
